Helicopter Parents Handicap Their Children

May 6, 2012 By Leave a Comment

This weekend I had a conversation with a gal who said she rescues her son when he gets in unpleasant situations even though she knows it is not the best thing to do. I was saying that I think it is good to let kids find solutions to problems on their own. She said that her son was premature and had many physical problems when he was young. At that time it was critical that she “hover” and take good care of him. Since he doesn’t have those health issues now it is time to loosen the reigns. If she doesn’t learn to do this, she will handicap him. When parents rescue their kids, the kids get an attitude of entitlement, just like people on welfare. They expect people to take care of them. That is what is wrong with many of the young adults today. We’ve had too many helicopter parents for several years now. I predict their children will struggle in their career and never achieve the level they could. When youth solve things on their own they develop more confidence. They feel empowered and trust their own abilities.

Do you agree with my conclusion? Give an example of what works for you.

Filed Under: Parenting Skills Tagged With: ,

Teens and Digital Media: A Parents Challenge

March 31, 2012 By Leave a Comment

We live in an era of the so-called “digital revolution”. With the growing popularity of social media like Facebook, Twitter, Google, LinkedIn, etc. kids are so engrossed with texting and gaming while paying less attention to household chores and assignments in school. Parents and children often clash with each other because of differing thoughts about social media. Parents often worry about how much media is too much. Are the hours spent on media going to hurt their eyes? Are they really building relationships? Are they being exposed to things they should not? Sexting is not something you want your teens exposed to so what do you do? Does social media open the teens up to more risky behavior?

Young people often find that digital and mobile media address several important developmental and social needs in their lives. In just a click of the computer or smart phone it enables them to check in more frequently with their parents, friends, and loved ones. Teens are able to easily keep track of their friend’s activities and interactions. They often object to any restriction or intervention by parents on their use of social media gadgets.

Every parent wants to be viewed as a “good parent” who cares about the long-term development of his or her children. What do they need to do to keep tabs on their children’s digital usage?

Please leave comments as to what works for you.

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Bond With Your Children in the Garden

March 30, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Spring is here in Denver. I love this 70 degree weather before the hot summer arrives. This is a perfect time to work in the yard and get it ready to plant the garden and flowers. Do you have your children help with this process? It is important for kids to learn about money and this is one way for them to earn money. It is also a great time to teach them some science lessons on what is necessary for plants to flourish. What do we need to do with the ground before planting the plants or seeds? What plants can you plant now in cool weather? What seeds could you plant indoors to later plant outside when it gets warm? Having your child care for these new plants is a great lesson.

Have your children help plan what plants to buy. They could research what plants do well in your climate. Once summer arrives you can train them about how to plant, weed, fertilize, and water the garden. If you plant vegetables and find there are too many for your family to use, you could have them sell the extra produce or give it to a shelter or neighbor. To keep the kids more engaged, give them a section of the garden to do as they wish.

Enjoy this outdoor experience. Use it as a time to teach and bond with them.

Do you have some tricks that have worked to keep the kids engaged in helping with gardening?

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April 26, 2012 Bring Your Teenager to Work Day in Denver, CO

March 22, 2012 By Leave a Comment

The EEOC-Denver Field Office in partnership with the Department of Labor (DOL)-Women’s Bureau and the Colorado Civil Rights Division (CCRD) will host “Bring Your Teenager to Work Day.”

Date: Thursday, April 26, 2012
Time: 1:00 pm – 3:30 pm
Location: EEOC-Denver Field Office, 303 East 17th Avenue, Suite 410 , Denver Colorado

Attendees will be divided into several focus groups to discuss the following question: “How would you solve the problem of equal pay?”

All suggestions from the discussion groups will be forwarded to EEOC Chair, Jacqueline Berrien.

Chair Berrien is a key member of the National Equal Pay Enforcement Task Force, which was launched by President Obama to “improve compliance, public education, and enforcement of equal pay laws.”

As part of the Task Force, the EEOC is working to improve interagency coordination and strengthen enforcement of wage discrimination laws, and to increase outreach, education and public awareness concerning compensation discrimination.

Click Through to Register:

http://preview.tinyurl.com/7b49wlm

Seating is limited.

Cindra Thompson
USDOL/Women’s Bureau
Denver, CO 80202
(303) 844-1288

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How can people without kids be parenting experts?

March 12, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Why is it that people who aren’t parents seem to think they know how to raise children better than people with children? It always looks easier on the outside. Recently I talked to a young pregnant gal who has no children. She was quick to judge (black and white thinking) and thought some of my parenting techniques were not right. Instead of being curious and asking why I did or didn’t do something, she shook her head and said, “I would not have done that.” Maybe, maybe not. We will see after she has her baby.

Once you have kids, you find out they all have different personalities and interests. Some are a little more challenging to raise than others. My son was full of energy. My mother thought he was hyperactive when he was two but she wasn’t used to being around an active two-year-old boy. He loved life and was always looking for something new to explore. Our daughter was calmer when she was young but I knew she was going to be strong willed when I couldn’t distract her from getting into cupboards during the crawling stage. In elementary school we found out she has auditory dyslexia. I never tried to squelch her strong will because I knew it would help her when she grew up. I gave my kids lots of choices. Sometimes they would make a poor choice and I would correct them and help them learn by their mistake. There is a lot to consider in family dynamics and often those on the outside don’t understand much of it.

A friend in church today said that the most important thing is to just love your children. I agree that unconditional love is critical in raising kids. That doesn’t mean that you don’t discipline them. It does mean that you love them no matter what they do. Setting limits and being consistent are important for parents to do so their children feel secure and loved.

Have you had experience with people who do not have children looking at you like you don’t know what you are doing? Please share some comments about them.

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12 Things To Do When Times Are Tough

March 3, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Life isn’t always a bed of roses. Sometimes it can be like a roller coaster. Here are some ideas for getting through a tough situation:
1. Surround yourself with positive people. It’s easy to get down when you have negative people around you.
2. Keep a journal. Write about your feelings, goals, situation, etc. If you are upset about someone, write them a letter and don’t mail it. Each day write 5 things you are grateful for. Life is much easier when you have an attitude of gratitude.
3. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. This is hard for many people. If someone offers to help you, accept it. Remember that you are helping them feel good. We all feel better when we contribute.
4. When dealing with difficult situations it can become routine. It’s a good idea to step back and check your view point. I always say that we can learn a lot when we struggle. What is the lesson you can learn from this situation?
5. Look for different ways to respond to situations. You can’t keep doing the same thing and expect different results. Learn a new skill or go back to school or take a class.
6. Exercise. Life looks much better after I do that. Take a walk in nature. Slow down and smell the roses. If you feel stressed, take some deep breaths. We tend to breathe in our chest instead of our diaphragm when we are stressed.
7. Set goals for yourself. Try to determine what your purpose is? What gets you excited?
8. For 5 minutes each day visualize what you want to be doing. Sit with your eyes closed and see yourself doing what you want. What are you sensing in all your senses? What are people saying about you?
9. Don’t worry about what you can’t control. Focus only on what you have control over. You might have to shift your mindset.
10. Focus on what you want and not on what you don’t want. Your mind can only focus on one thing at a time and make sure your are thinking about what you want.
11. Be open and aware of new opportunities around you. So many people have opportunities come up and they don’t “see” them. Be willing to get out of your comfort zone and take a risk.
12. Meditate or get in touch with your higher power. For me it is God. Know that someone else is looking out for you so the burden is not totally on your shoulders.

Filed Under: Stress Management Tagged With: ,

Create Fun Ways to Solve Problems

February 28, 2012 By Leave a Comment

I talked with a friend recently and she told about moving their son to a “big” bed from his crib when their youngest child was born. Now she is waking up with the 3-month-old baby each night plus the son because he is falling out of bed. I suggested she put a little pop-up tent in the bedroom and have him sleep on a sleeping bag in the tent. He will think it is an adventure and she won’t have to wake up during the night because he fell out of bed.

Look for creative solutions that solve problems and make life more fun. When I owned a manufacturing company, it took 9 people to run one machine. If someone showed up late, then we either couldn’t run the machine or we had to run it slower than normal. Instead of lecturing them about how important it was for everyone to be there and to arrive on time, I created a game using elbow macaroni and a box. We had 4 teams of people sitting around round tables with a box in the middle and 1 pound of macaroni around the box. They were to see which team could get the macaroni in the box first. They could only use one hand to pick up the macaroni and could only pick up one at a time. One team I left alone. The other teams I would give notes to different people to sit out for a specific amount of time. Some examples for sitting out were – you arrived late because you had to drop the dog off for grooming or you left early to get a pedicure or you had a phone call, etc. I’m sure you can guess which team won. It got my point across in a much more fun way than giving a lecture.

You can create playful ways to get around problems. Please comment on “fun” solutions you have found for problems – especially those related to the family.

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Common Mistakes Parents Make When Parenting Teens – Too strict or too lenient

February 22, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Mistake: They are either too strict or too lenient
Parents always want the best for their children. Rearing teens to grow up as responsible adults has always been a parent’s task. But along the way, kids have changed a lot along with the modern technological advances. Their behavior, worldviews, and perspectives are very different from their parents. Sensing a loss of control over their teens’ behavior, some parents crack down every time their child steps out of line. Every day the home becomes a war zone. Everyday there’s a new punishment. Then there is the other side of the coin. These parents avoid all conflict for fear their teens will not like them. They leave the kids on their own – let them explore because it’s part of growing up. Discipline for them is not in their vocabulary

Solution: If your kids won’t even listen to you, don’t ever expect them to listen to others. Both of the above situations are not good. Some parents have the false assumption that they can control their kids. I can hardly control my behavior yet alone someone else’s. It is important to let the teens know the rules, allow them to make choices, and then when they go out of bounds, discipline them. I think we are all raising our children to be independent beings so coming down too hard on them will not create independence. It is OK to make mistakes – we all do. Their self esteem goes up when they work through mistakes. Choose your battles and be consistent. The kids feel more secure when you are consistent.

The opposite approach, permissive parenting, is just as bad as too strict. The teens are not getting the guidance they need. They are not learning the “rules” stage of development. Kids need to learn that they will not always get their way. It’s important for parents to consistently communicate with their kids, by giving advice and proper guidance with discussion, negotiation and understanding of the conflicting needs of the child. Communication is the key.

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Common Mistakes Parents Make When Parenting Teens – Assume good grades mean no other problems

February 21, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Mistake: Assume good grades mean no other problems
It’s a common notion for parents that if their child displays good grades in school it is assumed he is engaging in good behavior. This is not always the case with today’s generation. Getting good grades in school does not always mean good teen behavior. A smart kid may still be able to maintain good grades in school, while engaging in drinking alcohol or using drugs at the same time.

Solution: Many smart kids are stealthily doing illegal things, while maintaining good grades to avoid their parent’s suspicion. I encourage parents to make random check-ups to see what their kids are doing. Ask teachers, classmates, neighbors, friends and their friends’ friends about their kid’s activities in school and outside of school. Don’t believe everything your child tells you.

Filed Under: Mistakes Parents Make

Common Mistakes Parents Make When Parenting Teens – Buy their kids too much

February 20, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Mistake – Buy their teens too much. Often parents want to keep the kids happy so when their child asks for something, they buy it. This is easy to do if the parents are wealthy. Also, parents that aren’t able to spend time with their teens may try to “buy” their affection.

Solution: It is important to let teens know that they won’t always get their way. Often I had my kids pay for part of what they wanted. In this way I found out what they really wanted. Often I would say, “Are you willing to pay for half of it?” Sometimes they would say no so they did not get it. Saving up for something is exciting. Did you buy your first car? If you did you know the thrill of finally getting it after often years of saving. When they work to buy something, it helps their self esteem. “Look at what I did on my own!” The thing that we don’t want is to have our teens feel entitled. “I should get this because I am in this family.”

Teaching them to wait for something is important. A few years ago there was a research project where they had a young child in a room. The adult put a marshmallow on a table. They said that if the child does not eat the marshmallow until they come back in the room, the child will receive two marshmallows. It was a test to see if the child needed instant gratification. Turns out some of the kids were able to wait. People who have high emotional intelligence are able to put off gratification. Teaching this to our kids is critical in this time when it seems we are rewarded with instant gratification all the time.

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