What Would You Do In This Situation? Father shooting his daughters computer is not the best answer.

This YouTube video went viral and showed one very unhappy father! I identify with him and I am sure many of the rest of you do, too. There are moments when we feel so frustrated that we don’t know what to do. He didn’t feel appreciated after he had spent so much time working on her computer. We all need to feel valued and appreciated. Many teens as well as adults in this country act entitled and that was his daughters attitude. She wanted something for nothing. “Mom and Dad, you are here to wait on me and give me whatever I want.” How wrong is that?!! Now even though I have had moments of frustration, there is no way I would have responded like this father.

What are some other ways he could have been responded short of shooting the laptop? Some of the following ideas will take some time to change the family dynamics. Many are designed to decrease the entitlement mentality. When children have an attitude like the daughter, I think it is important to expose them to individuals who don’t have what they do. The family could volunteer at a soup kitchen. They could visit a children’s hospital to talk to kids with cancer. A Denver high school put on the play Rent. Before the students could even try out for the play, they were required to do community service. This helped the students put on the fantastic play they did. The students understood better what was going on in the minds of homeless kids after working with them. It had a profound impact on the students and many said they would continue doing community service.

I think it is a good idea to have family meetings. Getting people to divide up the daily responsibilities where all people agree on what they will do is important. As long as the children live at home they are required to have some duties. Also, it is important to agree on rules for social media and other tech devices.

I used to own a manufacturing company where my children started working at a young age. Because of this, they always had money. When they wanted something I would ask them if they were willing to pay for half of the purchase. That way I always found out what they REALLY wanted. In high school I even had them pay for part of their clothes. If they wanted shoes over $100, I would have them pay for the amount over what I was willing to pay. When we went to the circus they were told that they would get a hamburger and a drink. If they wanted anything more they needed to bring their own money. Our kids were the only ones around us not begging for things. I don’t believe in giving children everything they want.

I’ve heard about an interesting system where kids get NO allowance. They only get money when they complete a task. When kids complete a task they are given something to designate they did it. Each child could have a different color. These are kept in a box and at the end of the week the items are totaled and the kids get paid for the number they have. In that way they get paid for what they did. Whatever you want them to do, is on the list. Wake up on time. Eat breakfast. Sweep the kitchen floor. To get money they need to do tasks. There should be extra duties available for them to earn more money. It helps keep them from feeling entitled and gets across the idea that we make money for doing things – like a job.

As I often say, it is critical that the parents set a good example. Losing our temper is not good – although I know I have before – thankfully not very often. I talked about this in my blog about mistakes parents make – yelling. Positive discipline works better than yelling. Start looking for ways to show appreciation for what they do. Be very specific. “You’re such a good girl” will not help. Another blog to read is about power struggles.

Another idea is to have everyone in the family develop more of a sense of gratitude. Have each person write down 2-5 things they are grateful for each day. Also, write down at least 2 things that they appreciate about each person in the family. I’ll write more about this tomorrow.

In conclusion, dealing with small problems right away often helps avoid situations like in this video. Communication skills are essential. Do you need more training in this? It would help not only with family relationships but also work relationships. I would like to hear your ideas of what you would do in this situation. Please comment below.

 

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